you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize