Got a toothbrush?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
