im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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