After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
