I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
time to smoke my breakfast
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
