I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
