After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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