why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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