i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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