He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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