i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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