He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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