some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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