47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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