Who wears a wallet chain?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
