maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
