i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
