Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
