I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
