This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize