it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
