sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
