i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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