and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
