If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
