Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
