I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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