they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
