o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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