i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
