I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
birth control should be required to get into college
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
