I hate all girls vehemently.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize