I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
