I think im going to throw up on grandma
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
