The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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