hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
