I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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