The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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