Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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