Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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