While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
