So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
