Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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