wat bout pragnant strippers??
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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