those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
