You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
being pregnant is like rehab
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
