He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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