I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
