There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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