my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His nipple licking is glorious
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