I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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