Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
