i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
