i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
