What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You are a genius and a whore.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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