SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
