I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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