if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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