we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
