i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
