I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
