I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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