I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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