If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
