doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
