Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
