one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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