I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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