I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
