I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
