Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
