He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
