i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
